Thorns: Uprising - <!-- IF S_IN_MCP -->Moderator Control Panel - <!-- ELSEIF S_IN_UCP -->{ UCP } - <!-- ENDIF -->View topic - Moira Catriona Montrose

Thorns: Uprising - View topic - Moira Catriona Montrose

Thorns: Uprising - <!-- IF S_IN_MCP -->Moderator Control Panel - <!-- ELSEIF S_IN_UCP -->{ UCP } - <!-- ENDIF -->View topic - Moira Catriona Montrose

Thorns: Uprising - View topic - Moira Catriona Montrose
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 Moira Catriona Montrose 
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"Aye"
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Joined: June 10th, 2009, 3:24 am
Posts: 528
Location: never never land
Real Name: Mary
IC Race: Wick
IC Age: 10
IC Gender: Female
 Moira Catriona Montrose
'''Name:''' Moira Catriona Montrose
'''Age:''' 10
'''Race:''' passive
'''Place of Origin:''' The Stacks, Anaxas
'''Occupation:''' Brunnhold servant

!!!Back story

Moira was born on Loshis 20, 2702. Her family, consisting of 22 year old Sarah and her 24 year old husband Stephan, were overjoyed to have her. Sarah dressed her up in a tiny frilly yellow dress, and both proud parents paraded her around the town. Moira's mother, a red headed green eyed woman, doted on her and gave her anything she wanted. Sarah stayed home with Moira, and made sure she was properly spoiled, and always wearing the latest fashions, which of course, sometimes weren't late enough. The woman taught her child how to sew, and together they set many a fashion trend. The girl never wore the same thing twice. Moira's father, a tall brunette with yellow eyes, was an adventurer. He traveled the world and brought back many a treasure: books, clothing and gowns from other countries, and toys that Moira would never have dreamed of. He gave all of them to his daughter, and she loved every single one.

Moira was never left in the care of a nanny. She was always with her mother and, when he was home, her father never left her side. She enjoyed the time she had with her parents, they taught her how to read and count. It surprised the girl just how far she could count, numbers go up pretty high. She learned proper manners, and also how to use sarcasm with a sweet smile and sugar-coated words, making it seem as though you were being nice when really you were throwing insults. Sharp, sugary insults.

Moira looked forward to her tenth birthday, her parents spoke of a school where you learned magic and dueled with other students! It sounded, well, magical. She wanted nothing more than to learn to cast spells, she imagined she was the most powerful magician in all of Vita, and dreamed that nothing could stop her. She drove her parents crazy with talk of Brunnhold and spells and magic, and at the same time her parents beamed with happiness every time she brought it up.

The week of her tenth birthday she grew even more excited, it was all she talked about, ever. She and her parents just knew she would have a high score. She didn't count failure as an option, never dreamed she might fail the exam. Her parents planned a huge party for her, to celebrate both her birthday and her joining the school. The plan was that she would pass, come home, be greeted by the gigantic amount of people who had been invited just to celebrate her! The day she turned ten she was fed a big breakfast in bed, bathed and dressed in the frilliest of frilly green dresses complete with green silk hair bows and white stockings, and delivered into the hands of Brunnhold.

She failed the test, all the while believing she was passing with the greatest score she could possibly receive. When she was handed back to her parents, who already knew the news, she smiled the prettiest of smiles and ran into the arms of her mother. Only when her beloved mother broke down crying, did she realize what she was, what she had been all along.

Now she is forced to work in Brunnhold, doing any chore she is able. Mopping, sweeping, trying to cook, and sewing. She mostly sews for the other students and passives, something she would have been able to charge for after a few more years of practice, but is now forced to do for free.

!!!Personality

Ten years of getting anything she so much as smiled at, have turned her into a spoiled little child. She had never been told the meaning of the word no, and is now forced to live that word every single day.

No to magic.

No to big pretty dresses.

No to seeing her parents.

No to everything she ever was.

The desire to learn magic makes her stop and watch when others duel, and gets her in trouble for not working when she is supposed to be.

She has never run around or moved very quickly, but now she must. She must rush from chore to chore, she must sew quickly, and she must speak quickly... It’s all too fast for the little girl.

She had always thought passives were people who did bad things and were punished accordingly. She still believes this, and hates herself for being a passive. She thinks she deserves the punishment, and even worse punishment, while at the same time hating the school and the rules and the servant title. She hates them all, and wants to get away from it. The only thing keeping her from running away is the fact that she believes she deserves punishment, believes she is bad and wrong.

Moira hates her passive tattoo, but doesn't try to hide it. She is often seen covering it with her fingers; she does this when she is embarrassed, sad, or angry. She also does it to remind herself that she isn't worth anything, that she is a passive.

She is usually polite and sweet, but is quick to defend herself, and quick to talk back. Her parents gave her that smart mouth, and it is one of the only things she has left of them.

!!!Physical Description

A four foot three inch tall beauty, she has red-orange curls that fall just above her shoulders, a tiny pointed chin, straight nose, rosy cheeks, and yellow eyes. She has a small, but loud, mouth with full pink lips, her brows and lashes are a darker red than her hair. Her face and shoulders are heavily freckled, though the freckles are thicker down her shoulders and chest than they are on her face. She has dainty hands which used to always be soft, but are now rough and blistered. Small cuts and bruises adorn her fingers and palms from different tasks. Her feet are small, and wear boots. A pincushion full of pins never leaves her wrist (it clips there nicely), and she carries thread, scissors, and a silver thimble in her pocket. She wears a sunny yellow apron most days, over her simple blue dress. Her hair is her best feature, and she loves it. She refuses to cover it up, or chop it off, just to make life as a passive easier. She clips it back with a silver clip when she doesn't want it to get dirty.

!!!Inventory

Clothing:
*Simple blue dress.
*Yellow apron, she made it herself.
*White socks and stockings.
*Brown boots, come halfway to her knee.
*silver earring studs.
*Silver hair clip.
*Second dress, fancier, and made out of blue bed sheets. (She got in trouble for that one)

Weapons:
*Small scissors.

Junk:
*Small story book she snuck in.
*Needle, spools of thread, pincushion, thimble, small scissors.
*Big blanket her mother sent her off with, she had to do many chores before the matrons allowed her to have it.

!!!Skills
*Sewing, she’s learning, and spends all the time she possibly can on it. She uses it to try and make better clothes for her fellow passives, but has to work hard in order to get the fabrics.
*Some cooking, usually not very good.
*Good memory.
*Ability to read.

!!!Goals

She refuses to be a passive. She wants to prove she is worth something, and at the same time doesn't think she actually is. She wants to provide all other passives in the school with nice clothes, so they never have to wear the awful plain clothes they do now. Though the outfits are still blue, she does what she can to make them as beautiful and original as possible so they stand out. She really only wants to prove she is worth something, and does this as much as possible through her sewing.


(( she wasn't supposed to look so cute, those curls would make her look like a doll in anything XD ))


Image

_________________
I’m an axe grinder, pile driver, Mama says that I never never mind her.
Hand over the reins, I’m insane, teacher says that I’m one big pain.
I’m like a laser, six string razor, got a mouth like an alligator.
I want it louder, more power, I’m gonna rock it till it strikes the hour!
BANG YOUR HEAD!
_______
My other personality:Kitty
BOOBS


Last edited by Ylalie Liu on November 10th, 2009, 1:56 pm, edited 7 times in total.

November 8th, 2009, 7:55 am
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Joined: December 4th, 2008, 9:23 am
Posts: 1964
Location: Lynchburg, VA
Real Name: .tif
IC Age: 0
Post Re: Moira Catriona Montrose
Thanks for posting a new sheet. The mods will discuss and get back to you soon! ;D

_________________
my characters are Eriyenna, Nauleth, Nevinia, and Tristaanian. my modPCs are Corwynn and Yulina. no, i'm not done yet.

PM me if you need anything! I'm always happy to be useful.
Shameless plug. Tell me to draw more.


November 8th, 2009, 2:45 pm
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Joined: October 5th, 2008, 10:40 pm
Posts: 1264
Real Name: Jade
Post Re: Moira Catriona Montrose
Hello, Darling! There are just a few things that need changing, then we can see about approving you!

1) Her parents got married awfully young. This is a bit against convention, as most people would wait until after graduation to get married. Bump them up again, if you would.

2) Please go through again, or have someone help proofread. There are some spelling, grammar, and punctuation issues (ex: Brunnhold is misspelled and Vita needs to be capitalized).

3) Unfortunately, a ten-year-old who's been largely spoiled all her life would not be particularly adept at sewing. Especially not at the skill level indicated here. She's a bit over-talented for her age and social status (or, rather, her formal social status ;P ). Please tone it down a bit.

4) The passive mark is not a "brand," but a tattoo.

Just a quick hop, skip, and a jump from playtime!! Please bump the thread when you've made your edits!

_________________
My name is Jade, and my PC's are Nora, Hal, Scuro, Gem, and Matsi.


November 9th, 2009, 11:13 pm
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"Aye"
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Joined: June 10th, 2009, 3:24 am
Posts: 528
Location: never never land
Real Name: Mary
IC Race: Wick
IC Age: 10
IC Gender: Female
Post Re: Moira Catriona Montrose
ok, i think i have everything done, hope its everything XD

_________________
I’m an axe grinder, pile driver, Mama says that I never never mind her.
Hand over the reins, I’m insane, teacher says that I’m one big pain.
I’m like a laser, six string razor, got a mouth like an alligator.
I want it louder, more power, I’m gonna rock it till it strikes the hour!
BANG YOUR HEAD!
_______
My other personality:Kitty
BOOBS


November 10th, 2009, 12:00 am
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Joined: October 5th, 2008, 10:40 pm
Posts: 1264
Real Name: Jade
Post Re: Moira Catriona Montrose
Looking better!

There are still some grammatical errors that still need cleaning up. Capitalization, in particular. "Passive" (and other race names) do not need to be capitalized, nor does "little" in "little girl" (see the middle paragraph of the personality section).

One thing that I forgot to mention: there aren't multiple aptitude tests. There is only one test, so she couldn't fail "every single one." Just a minor issue that I thought I should clear up.

Just change that and tighten up the grammar a bit more. Sometimes it helps to get a second pair of eyes. I'm always in favor of having a friend or relative read over work to make sure it's right, as it's easy to miss mistakes when you've read over it multiple times.

Anyway, just those two things, and I think you're in the clear!

_________________
My name is Jade, and my PC's are Nora, Hal, Scuro, Gem, and Matsi.


November 10th, 2009, 1:29 am
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"Aye"
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Joined: June 10th, 2009, 3:24 am
Posts: 528
Location: never never land
Real Name: Mary
IC Race: Wick
IC Age: 10
IC Gender: Female
Post Re: Moira Catriona Montrose
i believe it is fixed, i used office word or whatever.
note to self: gmail is not a good text editing thing.
and i didnt get anyone to read over it, cuz in my family im the best at english, sad that i had to edit this so many times XD
i hope its all fixed now, i tried to shange things that looked odd to me... and a lot of that was from me erasing periods and were second sentences. i forgot to change all the capitalization, ugh

_________________
I’m an axe grinder, pile driver, Mama says that I never never mind her.
Hand over the reins, I’m insane, teacher says that I’m one big pain.
I’m like a laser, six string razor, got a mouth like an alligator.
I want it louder, more power, I’m gonna rock it till it strikes the hour!
BANG YOUR HEAD!
_______
My other personality:Kitty
BOOBS


November 10th, 2009, 7:02 am
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Joined: October 5th, 2008, 10:40 pm
Posts: 1264
Real Name: Jade
Post Re: Moira Catriona Montrose
Thanks so much, love! You're approved! Go have fun.

_________________
My name is Jade, and my PC's are Nora, Hal, Scuro, Gem, and Matsi.


November 10th, 2009, 2:07 pm
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