The day had started so well. She'd been happy, Piran had been happy, even the bloody bander had been happy. She'd seen Demkaih and that was enough to set her heart beating faster. Now it was in her throat.

Somehow this was her fault, she was sure of it. If she'd been better or smarter maybe.

There were tear marks on her dress. She'd made it on a whim. It was some of her best work, blue-printed fabric, v-neck and a flared skirt. Detailing on the hemline and the sleeves. Gods, she wanted to be sick.

"Ivan." She choked, knocking on his door, "Damnit, open the door, please. Ivan!"

Her hands shook, tapping against her will.

The chemistry set was out. A bullion of raw opium was sitting on the table. The goats were braying the back garden. To the uninitiated, this was merely a confusing configuration, but to anyone who knew what Ivan was up to, it was the equivalent of being caught with his trousers down.

He heard the knocking and the calling. At first, Ivan thought that he should hide the evidence, but straight after reasoned that no normal person knew what developing new and more powerful analgesics for recreational purposes looked like, and then he forgot both thoughts, because the voice was Fion's and she sounded desperate.

He stopped what he was doing and hurried over to the door. Opening it he saw a distraught Fion, in a ridiculously special looking dress. What had happened?

"Fion, what's wrong? What's happened?"

Fion's face crumpled like tissue paper.

"They're running the wicks out of Vienda." She whispered, eyes ugly and red. "I'm supposed to tell you. What do I do?"

Fion pressed the heel of her hand into her eyes. She hated crying. She was pathetic when she cried. She was supposed to be in control. She folded in on herself a little.

"Can I come inside?" She asked, looking like she was about to fall over and lose it.

Should I give her a hug? Is this a hug situation? She looks like she needs a hug, but I could be wrong. I don't want to give her a hug if she doesn't want a hug. If I hug her in that dress and she doesn't want a hug...I'm going to hug her. No. Yes.



"Please, come inside! Sit down and tell me everything. What do you mean, running the wicks out of Vienda?"

Ivan snapped a box of ultra soft precipitate filters off his work surface. They loked like tissues, close enough at least, Ivan hoped. He pointed them towards Fion.

Fion picked up one of the filters and blew her nose into it noisily. She then picked up another and used it to dab at her eyes.

"The S-seventen are going to throw the wicks out of Vienda. The announcement goes out tomorrow." She clutched at her own arms, mind swimming with dread. "Piran's only eight! It takes time to move, what if they take my son away? If we leave where do we go? I'm an idiot, I should have run further..."

Her mind was running in a spiral, spinning ever closer to one conclusion. It was her fault that Piran was in this position. She was never going to forgive herself. She knew that Ivan was good under pressure. He was in the restistance too. He had to have advice, there was no other alternative.

She did not notice his discomfort. She only became more distressed.

"They're going to do what?? Who gave you the message? Is there a meeting?"

Ivan's mind raced, but didn't have to go far before he realised the root cause. The riot, the tension between the wick tribes. Alstair's demonic plan.

Ivan cursed under his breath.
Alstair owed him. Ivan had saved his life, kept his secrets, and Alstair had shoved it back in his face. If Alstair wouldn't help Ivan with this, he was going to wish Ivan had let him die all those years ago.

"Fion, we're gonna figure it out. I'm going to, uh, the Party's going to keep you safe. I've got contacts who owe me favours, in places you wouldn't believe...you won't have to run. Everything's going to be all right, I promise."

Something about what she had said stuck in his mind.
I should have run further
That didn't make sense.

"How about something to calm you down? Catch your breath, and you can tell me all about it. Just take your time."

Ivan went into the next room to fetch the tea set. The water was already boiled, in preparation for experimentation, but hot water was hot water. From a nearby tin Ivan grabbed two bags of tranquil blend, a type of chai which reduced heart rate and blood pressure.

"There's a meeting t-tomorrow." Fion choked out. "Details."

Fion handed him a slightly scrunched piece of paper. It was in code.



Fion crumpled into one of Ivan's chairs, head resting on the table in front of her. Her hair spread out around her shoulders like a pair of raven's wings, fluttering every time she sobbed.

"You stupid bitch." She whispered to herself, getting louder as she forced the words out. "You stupid, stupid bitch. Why didn't you run for Mugroba when you had the chance? You could have given him to the Crows, given him a future, a f-family. You should have been a golly, should have kept your gods' damned legs shut."

Every sensible thought she'd ever had, had fled. Now that she knew her son was home safe and could not see her, she let out her fear and hate. They consumed her. There was no world around her anymore, she couldn't even hear the sound of Ivan coming in with tea.

He stood in the entrance with the tray. This sounded deeply personal. She hadn't noticed him yet, but there wasn't any way he could pretend not to have heard. His reluctance was twofold; was it really any of his business? And the other reason; he never really knew how to handle these situations.

Coward! Say something! Do something!

Ivan set the tray down and approached her.

"Fion." He placed a hand on her shoulder, not too firm, not too soft.

"Talk to me, get it off your ch- I mean, uh, tell me everything. What's troubling you?"

Pats didn't work. A squeeze might seem sexual. Rub? Ivan left his hand where it was.

Fion wailed, it was soft and low but it started deep in her chest and ended in her throat. It was a sound that came with mourning. It was awful to hear.

"I fu-fu... Ha ha!" Fion's head arched back, off the table, eyes dark and face pale. Her laughter was harsh, derisive. "I fucked a golly and screwed up my kids life 'cause I was too stupid to stick to my own kind. That's what's troubling me."

She hunched over again, laughter still grating through the tears like wheel through unbaked clay.

"I've never told anyone." She hissed, throat dry and painful. "Doesn't matter now. I thought he'd be ok... Nothing is ok. 'S my fault. Stupid huh, whore..."

She brought both her hands to her face, fingernails coursing down her skin though not forcefully enough to break it.

Nothing in this world, or likely in all the Evers, could properly prepare a man for that most horrible of things; the wailing of a woman. At least he wasn't the cause of it, he thought. There was nothing for it.
Ivan knelt and wrapped a hug around her.



"Shh shh, don't say that. I've seen, you've done an amazing job. You must have been just a girl when it happened, and you've brought up a child all by yourself. He's healthy, and he's happy. We'll find a way through, Fion."

Ivan pulled away, his hands still above her elbows, maintaining a sense of encapsulating safety and situational control. Maybe she'd feel better if he told her something.

"And you never did anything wrong. I've been with a galdor before too, you know."

He smiled a bittersweet smile, trying not to think too much about the old scar.

"I wont tell anyone."

Fion cried harder, shuddering closer to Ivan. She hated herself, she was scared. She wanted to go home. She wanted her parents. She wanted to be punished but she was craving Ivan's absolution.



Fion was surprised, for a moment. It was painful, imagining anyone else trying what she had tried. Had he managed to make it stand? Where had his lover gone?

"Tha'anks..." Fion choked, losing steam but frustratingly aware that she almost wanted Ivan to hit her, not forgive her. "Did it... Did you make it last?"

She wanted to hear that someone had managed to make it work.

Ivan needed to phrase the crushing heartbreak nicely. Dredging up old feelings and painting smiles on them was not his idea of fun, but neither was sustained crying.

"It was wonderful, while it lasted. I met her when I was stationed in Mugroba."

Ivan sighed.

"The only girl I ever loved.."

Fion's tears slowed down, leaving her making short, hiccough like sobs.

"I don't believe in 'only' anymore." Fion said, wanting Dem to come and whisk her away but not wanting him to be a factor in decisions that were about her son. "Was she nice?"

"Lachlan was nice." She didn't want to think about the horrible choices that were in front of her. The past was safer until she felt stable enough to think of the future ahead.

Ivan instinctively reached for his pipe. It was his best friend, had been with him throughout the tough times, and it was an excellent listener. Ivan hesitated, but then grabbed it anyway, deciding he'd earned enough points with Fion for it to be alright.

Waving out the match, he said "Yes, she was. She was a mugrobi healer, I was assigned to her when I arrived. Yura was her name. Watching her heal was like...she had such a communion with the mona. Have you ever heard a mugrobi speak in monite? The accent, it gets me every time."



"Tell me about Lachlan. How did you meet?"

Fion sniffled. "We have something in common, then..."



"He dragged me out of a fire." Fion smiled. "He was a healer too."

Fion pulled back a little and looked away. "He was a few years older than me but he treated me like I wasn't... less. He said he wanted to get married but his parents found out and took him away somewhere. He didn't come back. Piran looks just like him. That's why I left the Stacks, everyone would have known. It was obvious I was sweet on him, even if I kept it to myself and Piran looks more like a golly than a wick."

"Oh? You know someone from Mugroba?"



Ivan frowned.
The parents. The construct, the classes, the races.
It seemed that he had been taken away for a "re-education". It saddened Ivan, the boy sounded like he truly was fond of her. He'd probably by now been shown the "error-of-his-ways".



It was true, Ivan would have guessed Piran a galdor at first if he didn't know otherwise. First generation wicks weren't very common in Vienda. That could perhaps work to his advantage though. If need be, Piran could be left with resistance freindly galdori to mind him, when the seventen were sweeping the streets. If Alstair kept Ivan informed of their movements, they wouldn't give Piran a second look. Ivan kept his calculations to himself though, until he knew for sure what he was going to do.

Fion took a deep breath and let it out.

"I don't know what I should do. A month ago I would have gone to Old Rose in a heartbeat." Fion looked at the floor. "I have Demkaih now. I lo-like him but he can't be a factor here."

Fion closed her eyes.

"I need to do what's best for my son but I don't know what that is."

Ivan considered an answer for a moment.

"Right now keeping him indoors is the best thing to do. How many people know you and your son? We still have some time on our side. At the meeting tomorrow we will see what Serro intends to do."

Ivan didn't really believe he could place all their hopes in the hands of the Party, however. He didn't know how high a priority keeping children safe really was for them. How much would they really risk? Ivan, on the other hand, had plenty of resources at his personal disposal for those close to him.

"Fion, around the start of Bethas I am to leave for several days on business. You and Piran are welcome to stay here if you need to avoid the Painted Ladies for a while. Besides, I need someone to make sure the goats are alright."

Ivan pointed a thumb to the animal smell coming from his small garden.

Fion sighed shakily. It was far from a permanent solution but it gave her an option that she didn't have before. That was enough to calm her down.

"Thank you, Ivan, I appreciate it." Fion liked goats less than ducks but she was still fond of them. "Even if I got dobbed in, I have a few days. The big announcement isn't out yet."

Fion ran her hands through her hair, taking a deep breath.

"I should go." She suddenly felt a bit awkward, she'd just spilled her guts in front of a friend like he was her confessor. "I'll see you at the meeting tonight though, won't I?"

Dem couldn't come, he wasn't involved and she didn't want him to be. She wanted him to be safe but she needed the support.

"Will do. I'll be getting there early, and I suggest you try to avoid falling into a predictable pattern if you don't already. Sometimes I go to the other end of town and approach meetings from a different direction entirely. Better safe, yes?"

Ivan showed Fion out, now that she was feeling more collected.

When he came back inside, he looked at the chemistry set. With a sigh, he packed it up for the day. He wouldn't be able to concentrate on research tonight.

((http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=CO_pUGrN7xo))