Dear Mum,

Today was crazy. I had to walk through Soliloquoy Lane and I truly hate it there. It’s just like all those back alleys in the Stacks. The places you always used to walk around because walking through was asking to be mugged. You’d hate it there too, believe me. This young vroo had been wandering around asking people if she could join the underground, so I tried to shuffle her along. I don’t know if she listened though. I hope she did. People keep dying on the streets or at the noose, Ma. I’m starting to worry about letting Piran go play with his friends. I never used to. I don’t want to keep him holed up but I don’t want to risk him either.

He’s getting a lot taller. Growing like a weed. I think you’d like him a lot, he’s a very good boy, always listens to his mother. He’s getting to be quite handsome.

I get one of my neighbour’s daughters to mind him when I work nights. All I have to do is help her learn how to sew and give her free run of my pantry. She eats like a bird, so it’s the best deal I ever made. I work uptown now and the only thing I can say for it is that the tips are good. It’s not because they like me, most of the gollies look at me like I’m a cheap tumble, but their pride won’t let them look miserly. Most of the time. They’re so odd, the galdori, they throw money and words around like they’re going out of fashion but they have the tempers of two year olds. I was threatened at work tonight, by this golly that kept turning on a pin, insulting me, threatening me and then asking my advice. I know you never liked it when Dad did it but I slipped him some Krogans, I swear, it was the only way I was going to get him to leave without causing damage.

I don’t want him to come back. I was excited about it for a while because I was crossing wits like I used to with the students when they were drunk. It’s not the same though. Students don’t have the kind of power I think he has. He left bruises on my arm. I’m fine though, he just got grabby.

The oddest thing about tonight was that a human came into the bar, with a bander and started singing barsongs! You should have seen the gollies faces. I was worried my boss was going to fire me for letting him in. He said I was pretty, it’s been almost forever since someone said that to me while they were sober. Almost nine years, I think. Unless you count the odd “You’re looking nice today”.

Clock’s eve is coming up. I never know how to feel about it.

I love you Ma, I miss you ever day.

Your devoted daughter,

Fion

Dear Miriam from across the street,
Stop glaring at me. Stop glaring at me. Stop glaring at me. I've been living here for months, I thought you would have figured out that I'm not a tumble, a thief, a deviant or whatever else you've been saying about me. It took weeks for the neighbours to stop looking at me funny because of you. My son is friends with yours, you're only making things awkward.
Anyway, I'm not trying to steal your husband. I don't even like your husband that much, I'm not saying he's a bad man he's just not my cup of tea. He's having an affair with the butcher, not me.
They hold hands at the back of the B&B.
Everyone knows.
Stop glaring at me,
Fion.

Dear Lochlan,

It's been years since I last saw you. You may have noticed that I still can't write very well. I find it hard to get the words out. My thoughts are a blur whenever I think of you. I still love you so much it makes me hurt but if I saw you I'm sure I'd scream at you in the street for leaving me the way you did.

But I'm not going to see you.

I don't wonder where you are anymore. I don't stay up late at nights wondering if you'd have cared for our son. I don't wonder if we would have worked out, I'm not sure we ever could have.

It's taken nine years but I can see it now. If you were going to find me it would have happened by now. I tried to look for you at first but I couldn't risk people finding out about our son. He is the best thing that ever happened to me. Without him I'm sure I would hate you by now. I will tell him someday, when he's older, so that maybe he can come see you. I don't know if he'll have better luck than I did. I stopped trying at all. I've met someone else. I love him too, it's different but it works and my feelings for you have changed. I'm never going to see you again and I can live with that fact. I'm going to move on. Maybe I already have.



All my love,
Fion