Eri Amiri
'''Name:''' Eri Amiri
'''Age:''' 20
'''Race:''' Human
'''Place of Origin:''' Anaxas
'''Occupation:''' Bouncer/Poet

!!!Backstory

Eri’s father, Ori, was an adventurous, educated trader with a simple wife. Both hailed from a small seashore village in Mugroba and Ori made frequent trips to Old Rose Harbor for business deals, specializing in the import and export in ‘fine’ products, such as paintings, tapestries, and spices. He was, in fact, wealthy compared to most humans for a long time and had good connections to other merchants in Mugroba.

However, his wealth caught the eyes of the wrong sort of people. While his ship was anchored in the harbor one night, it was sabotaged and looted of all valuables; Ori was trapped in Anaxas without his wife and without a way back home, having invested most of his money in the small vessel. The trader had to find a new way to support himself and get money to return home to his wife, and (being unused to the ‘shadowy’ life of the Harbor) found himself in debt to the Bad Brothers. Over another two years, he fell into deep depression, still no closer to getting home, and soon became close to a girl named Jasmine.

The child produced from the marriage had traits of both parents and was well-loved. For the next few years, the couple and their new son, Eri, lived tough but happy lives. Ori, being well-learned, taught his son a few basics of writing in secrecy (such as the alphabet), though he didn't have much time to devote to the boy: He worked hard to support his family. However, an accident happened while he was carrying lumber to an unfinished ship, and he died several weeks after Eri turned six, never living to see his homeland.

Ori left little behind, but what he left his wife treasured: His books, all seven of them, were kept locked away in a safe place, as they were the most valuable to him. As Eri grew up, he tried to read and learn from them, but without proper tutelage accomplished little. Thus, while some of his free time went toward the books -- they were the most powerful memory of his father --, Eri found himself engaging in blatantly criminal activities.

Around his tenth year of age, the boy joined a minor gang for 'fun'. For a time, he was enraptured with his life of crime, first as a lookout, then as a pickpocket, thief, and thug. His existence soon centered about these activities and he became known as “’Big’ Eri” for a long time, one of the roughest shake-downers in Old Rose Harbor.

His life might have continued down its dirty path if he hadn’t been pressed to the worst of crimes too soon: Murder. In his seventeenth year, Eri was ordered to kill a young woman who’d held back money from his gang for months. After a series of events leading to the moment he was to do so, he changed his decision and killed the gang leader instead. What followed ended in another body of another criminal and Eri’s dangerous resignation.

Over the next few years, Eri scorned his actions and took up work as a bouncer at one of the sea-side taverns. His skills became very useful in his new vocation, as did his fearsome appearance and movements. He began to spend his spare time learning about the arts of the world, and though his knowledge of writing was rudimentary at best, he knew enough to pen notes for poems and songs he made. In the taverns, he’d listen to music and folk songs to broaden his knowledge; in private, he’d take what traits he liked and memorize short verses that he rehearsed and learned by heart.

To this day, his life remains much the same; life isn’t perfect for him, but it’s a life and one without crime. His mother, Jasmine, passed away two years ago. Old gang members have recently been spying on him, as if considering exacting revenge, and Eri prepares to leave Old Rose Harbor to escape this part of his past. He awaits a chance to head to the capital and there start his life over again in some new fashion.

!!!Personality

Eri acts as the ‘brute thug‘ when dealing with most people. He appears angry and irritable, often compared to a boiling tea kettle. His normally violent expression and his large size is very intimidating, something he cunningly uses to his advantage in his profession; most people prefer not to cross him unless it’s absolutely unavoidable.

However, the young man is actually a very calm and quiet character with a distinct love for gentle things like poetry and music. He sees the world in a poetic light, loving simple things, nature, and fruit as well as philosophy and deep thought. A loner at heart, he prefers to keep this poetic side to himself, studying such things alone (and, of course, illegally). If discovered, he is greatly displeasured; he prefers to pretend to be a ‘tough guy,’ and thus feels weak and exposed when discovered to be otherwise. For the same reason, he grows what little facial hair he can -- a mustache -- to appear older and tougher.

While the driving force behind Eri’s love of the arts is his father’s dedication and love of it, the spark that made him take them up was his ‘resignation’ from his gang. His pursuit of the arts is a quest of redemption for him, a method by which he may give back to the world what he took from it in his years as a criminal (and for the murder of two other criminals). For this reason, he also is a charitable character, preferring to live humbly and simply and give to others than to live lazily and extravagantly and give nothing. Again, he keeps this side as hidden as possible, as he feels it suggests weakness to others.

Power over one’s self is important to Eri. He feels that fate exists, but it is in the hands of everyone, that each person decides their destiny on their own. While he will take orders willingly enough, especially since he doesn’t feel that he is a leader, he disdains being treated as an insignificant character or pushed around; his memory of such incidents is long, and while he isn’t one to lash out, he is hard-pressed to forgive such transgressions.

Eri has a distinct hate for crime and the fact that his life was so centered around it. The fact that the Resistance is technically a criminal organization dazes him even more, even if he’s no revolutionary. He prefers to keep out of the political wheels turning in Anaxas whenever possible, and, oddly enough, could not honestly say whether he’d rather support the galdori or the Resistance if a revolution came about.

Eri prefers to outright avoid authority than to deal with them; when he is confronted by any force of the law, he tends to be quiet and terse with them, giving the bare minimum of information. When dealing with criminal authority or Resistance officials, he gives in a bit more because of their unlawful nature (which equates to a higher chance of him being hurt if he doesn‘t do what they want). Of course, all this submissive behavior makes him seem weak, and so he hates that feeling.

While he is half Mugrobi, Eri has been immersed in Anaxas’ society all his life and is completely used to its culture. He has no desire to go to his father’s homeland; he’s too used to Anaxas to care.

!!!Physical Description

Dark skinned and big, Eri takes a lot of his physical traits from his mother’s side, having all the size of an Anaxi human (and a little more). He stands at about six feet and an inch tall with a broad and muscular build, and his rough brown clothes give him the look of a brute. His hands are also rather large, and his upper body is easily stronger than his lower body. He weighs about one hundred and ninety-five pounds.

Round eyes and a broad, flat nose mark the young man’s face, along with middle-set cheekbones and a simple black mustache. His broad chin has a small but nasty scar on it, and one of his eyebrows has a line going down it where it doesn’t grow. He lets his curly hair grow to his neck, though it’s generally cut so that it’s very short in front of his ears. His eyes are round and of a brilliant blue hue, and his eyelashes are naturally long.

The man tends to favor a medium-length sleeved bleached-white shirt with a black vest over it with a pair of brown pants and large black boots to go with it. He also keeps a wooden ring on his left hand for all times, though it’s simply just a wooden band with his mother’s initials carved on its inside. A simple black belt, no matter his garb, is tight about his waist.

!!!Inventory

*Shortsword
*Twenty feet of rope in a loop at his belt
*Well-hidden book of own writings, poems, and music pieces
*Pen and ink
*A small box of scented candles
*A small bag of fruit
*Harmonica
*Playing dice
*A small (but neat) house in a crime-troubled neighborhood where Eri lives alone. It has a very tiny ‘lawn’ and a hidden basement where most of Eri’s most precious things are kept.

!!!Skills

'''Bouncer'''
*Wrestling
*Brute strength
*Intimidation
*Swimming
*Cool head

'''Poet'''
*Good knowledge of poetry, music, and the physical arts
*Good author of poetry and literature (though his knowledge of written language is basic)

!!!Goals

Eri wants to leave the Old Rose Harbor and start his life over in another place. Specifically, he wants to find a job (or make his own) and become a community leader, hopefully staunching crime wherever he settles down. Eventually, he plans to start a family, but love is so far back in his mind that he doesn’t pay the thought any heed.

Secondly, Eri wants to finish learning how to read. Even though it’s technically illegal for him to do so, Eri’s pursuit of knowledge drives him to what he believes are ‘desperate measures’ to acquire the skill.

Lastly, Eri hopes to, some day, publish his poetic and literary works. He plans to accomplish this by allowing some ‘golly’ to take the credit in return for some money, if such is even possible. He realizes that the idea is far-fetched, but he has hope that it may happen some day.

((OOC:

I'd like to say, just as a quick sidenote, that I'm completely new to this forum. So, I'll take all criticism with a smile, particularly negative criticism (I have to learn what's expected of me some'ow, eh?).

I'd also like to state that the unpublished writer 'Occupation' is just there so I can include his skills as one on the list -- the knowledge and writing of literature/arts/music. It's obviously not something Eri does for a living, and can be removed if this is a problem.

Finally, uh... End of OOC post?))

Welcome to Thorns!

The moderation team will be reviewing your sheet. Once we're finished, we'll post edits and suggestions before your approval.

Thanks for your patience and your enthusiasm!

Okay -- I made some changes and wanted to note them here. I hope the following is okay:

A) I went through and added to the history and mental description -- a paragraph each -- with more details I thought were important. (The paragraph in history I added in case some moderator ever wants to be evil and try and, I'unno, get my character into a dicy situation.)

B) I removed the 'jumping' part of 'Jumping/Swimming' for my character's skills. Logically, his upper body is much stronger than his lower body, and flapping his arms won't help him jump.

C) I made some minor repetition-removing edits. For example, the words "Culture" and "Secret" aren't used a few thousand times like they were before.

If this is bad, I can post the old version over the new one, if you peepz prefer.

Thank you,

~Noobster #108421

Thanks! We'll re-read and get back to you shortly!

Hi Eri, welcome to Thorns! You have a very ambitious sheet, which we like but there are a few edits we have to go over first.
We don't let characters start out in the BB, we encourage RP entry. It's likely that a low-level member would not be prevented from quitting in any case. It seems like the goals you have for your character might be best served elsewhere.
There is a small issue with how your character was introduced to philosophy and how they gained access to poetry. Most humans cannot read and Old Rose is not the sort of place where reading materials relating to the Arts would be readily available. He could be a very thoughtful sort that thinks about and discusses the meaning of life (and other subjects) but he wouldn't have much opportunity to learn any of the theory.
How has he managed to live the life of a thug and not be poisoned by it? He lives in a very rough world and acts like a thug. It would be good to get some insight into how he has managed to keep his exterior and interior selves so well defined, without them merging and losing his better qualities.
Aside from that, you only have a few spelling edits to make, Anaxi not Anaxis' and galdori does not need a capital letter. Just have a quick check through for those and you're green.
Thank you for joining, once you've made your edits post again and we'll look them over!

Sorry for the late work; I wound up getting a double-doozie of tests this week, and I'm afraid I was indisposed for a wee bit.

Anyway, I did the edits you asked me to (I think). I couldn't find the part about "Anaxi not Anaxis' ", so, slap me and call me a ninny. If you could point out where that's at, that'd be splendid. (I might have unknowingly editted it out...)

Here are the basic changes I made:

1) -- Top Information edit -- Changed the 'classes' of the character.
2) History edit -- Beginning paragraph and last half of history. He's now an ex-thug and no longer a Bad Brother. Also explained how he learned to write and that his knowledge of the written word is very rudimentary.
3) Personality edit -- Added a new paragraph or two. Explained a bit more of his personality and why/how he keeps up the separation of exterior/interior.
4) Goals edit -- New goals, removed old ones.
5) Skills edit -- Tweaked the wording of the skillset for "Poet".
6) Physical Description edit -- Added that he was dark-skinned. He's not really dark, but I figured it was important to note that he is dark skinned compared to most humans in Anaxas.

If there are any other changes you'd like me to make, just holler, yes? I've got my lawyer on speed-dia--... Err, I've got my spellcheck on speed-dial. Yes. Yes, I do.

Nothing about lawyers was mentioned, I swear.

Thanks for your edits. Sorry for the delay. The holidays slow things down around here. We'll get back to you soon!

Well, you've probably been kept waiting long enough—that was entirely unintentional character sheet approval process back-up. All apologies!

You're approved.