Fion looked at her shop, her home and wondered why this felt so painful. She'd been full of complaints about the place, it's squeaky floors and drafty windows. There were marks on the wood where the sun had bleached the boards to a brighter red, lighter patches hidden by her cheap furniture. Some she'd left and some she'd taken with her. It was huddled in a corner for whoever was going to work there instead of her, along with some bolts of cloth she hadn't wanted and some spare supplies. Demkaih's beautiful patterned fabrics had been kept, she hadn't wanted to part with them.

She stepped further in, wondering at how clean and lonely the kitchen looked without Piran's crafts littering the sideboard. Her room looked like a walk in cupboard and she wondered how she'd managed to fit into it. A solitary bottle of whiskey sat unhappily on the windowsill. Fion picked it up, deciding it would be anti-social not to take a swig of it.

It was good. She'd stolen it from work the day she'd found out about the wicks being forced from Vienda. She considered it a slap on the wirst punishment to deny the galdori of some particularly lovely alcohol.

She took another swig and put the bottle down. She'd been putting this off for longer than she should have.

She savoured the walk, knowing it was going to be the last time she'd stroll this particular path, at least for a while. She listened to the relative quiet around her, peppered by conversations as she passed open doors and the trilling of birds. She was almost sad to see the familiar red house coming up in front of her. She opened the gate and felt mild resistance, it probably needed oiling again. She had to take a deep breath before she could open the front door.

Demkaih looked good. She stared hard, as though she needed to keep that image in her memory for a long time.

((omg so it does! i am made of fail, duh!))

Demkaih looked up as the door opened, standing by the counter, checking the level of some of the rarer spices. It was Fion. His face lit up when he saw her and putting down the spices, he grinned, turning to her. He was wearing his usual red wrap.

"My poppy, it is a surprise to see you. I thought I was going to meet you later." Something in the way she looked at him made him falter. It was, not right.

"Are you alright?"

Fion smiled bravely but her tension showed in faint lines around her eyes and a furrow on her forehead.

"I have to move out of town because of that law against wicks." She said in as normal a tone as she could manage. She sounded resigned and sad. "I'm not going to be able to see you as much anymore."

She wondered if that sounded like an ultimatum.

"I don't want to go." She added, sounding young and helpless, something she always hated.

"I don't want to leave you." She thought.

Demkaih froze, his face fell. He didn't know what to say, and seconds seemed like hours. She was...leaving? How could she be leaving?



He shook himself out of the freeze frame he was caught in. It was like a splash of cold water.

"What? But...you can not go, I do not want you to go!" He walked to her and grabbed her hands.

"You do not need to! Stay here, with me. I can protect you both. I...I.." His blue eyes looked into hers and his voice was desperate. If she left, what reason did he have to stay? He only endured this place for her. And now, he was in this resistance thing, how could he just leave?

Fion's eyes snapped shut and she prayed for strength. She leant back away from his body heat and earnestness.

"No, you can't." She said, voice breaking. "Not from this."

She bit her lip and hunched over. She hadn't wanted her life to be like this, running about like a frightened rabbit. She wanted to be with Dem so badly but...

"What would that look like, anyway? Me suddenly becoming your live in girlfriend and my son disappearing imbetween the walls or wherever else people might think he'd gone to." It wouldn't work. "I'll still be able to come up sometimes, I'm not leaving forever."

It just felt like it.

She wanted them to be together because he thought she was the One. She wanted it be to be right, not just convenient. It occured to Fion that she was very convenient.

"I'm sorry... I should have told you sooner." She should have told him right away, instead of backing them both into a corner. He'd deserved an input and she hadn't given him one because she was worried that she was prioritising him over Piran.

His eyes stung with the start of hot tears. She was right, he knew she was. But he couldn't breathe if she left. Right now, she was everything to him, everything.



He didn't know what to say. It was too much. She was right again.



A hot surge of anger and emotion hit him and he turned away from her.

"Yes, you should have! Hulali damn it all! Fion, I..." He turned back and there were tears in his eyes.

"I am sorry, I am not mad at you. I hate it here, I hate Anaxas. I only stayed here for you. How can I...I can not...you can not go." His voice cracked as he pleaded with her. Not leaving forever, but leaving all the same. It hurt.

Fion curled in on herself, like a cat cornered in an alley.

"Don't yell at me!" She cried, voice on the loud side of an appropriate inside tone.



Fion raised her hands to her face. She took a shuddering breath, let her hands fall to her neck. Her throat seized, suddenly full of tears she couldn't shed. The words hurt. She'd have killed to hear them just a week before.

"Piran can't go outside now because a Seventen might see him or someone might dob us in." Her chest hurt, she hated this, she wanted help. "As is he'll be sulking about indoors once we're on the outskirts of town. His apprenticeship is gone, I can't afford to quit tending bar... The future I had planned for him is over. I can't risk the Stacks, Brunnhold will be next in line and Old Rose is out of my reach right now."

She did not say that this was because she wasn't sure you could quit the Resistance.

"It doesn't matter how much I care for you." She said it as firmly as she could. "I can't..."

"Help me!" She thought desperately. "I love you, get me out."

Demkaih heart felt shattered and his stomach wanted to empty. He felt weak, but seeing Fion like this, he sighed. It was wrong to dump his emotional stress on her. Reaching out, her hugged her close.

"I am sorry, you do not deserve that from me." Sighing again, he pulled back and stroked her hair.

"I love you poppy, and I will still love you no matter where you are or how long I have to wait to see you. This will not last forever, and when I can, I will take you and Piran away to mugroba, where it is safe and free." He looked into her eyes and struggled with the lump in his throat.

"Hulali tests those whom he intends greatness, perhaps we are being tested?"

Fion choked as Dem ran his hand through her hair, relishing the sensation and knowing how much she would miss it. He wasn't going to leave her, to her great relief. The thought of being safe was almost heartbreaking, she couldn't even imagine it anymore. A flicker of hope flared and ebbed.



Fion huddled into him again, wanting to be as close as possible before they had to part again.

"I'm sick of being tested. I just want to be low and happy." She said, palms flat against his back, trying not to grasp at him. "I wish it wasn't like this."

Demkaih closed his eyes, eyebrows furrowed. He didn't want it to be like this either. The thought was almost to much to bear, and he could feel his eyes stinging. Swallowing hard to collect himself, he put on a smile and pulled back to look at her, placing one finger under her chin.

"It will not be that bad. We will still see each other. It is not the end. This, is not the end." Blue eyes holding her own, he leaned down and kissed her. It was not passionate nor was it quick. It was a lingering, heartfelt kiss, like he was putting every ounce of love he had into it.

Fion let her hands rise up and cup his face, gasping softly. She was sure her heart could break from just this. She trailed after him when he finally pulled away, overlapping their lips once more, softly kissing him again until she felt she could let go.

"You're right, thank you." She said, sounding a little sore in the throat. "It won't last forever."

She looked down, then looked up again.

"Want to go to the circus on the 30th?" She said, eyebrows twisting up in a vague approximation of hopefulness.

Demkaih savored the kiss, swam in it. It was all he could do when she finally stopped not to put aside all manners and honor and just have her there and then. But he would never do that without her consent, instead, he took a breath and tried to remove the thought. It pained him to know she'd be going away for longer periods of time, he didn't know how he would stop himself when she did come to visit.



The man cocked his head.

"Circus? I do not know what this is, is it another festival?"

Fion's lips quirked upwards. "Of a sort, it's lots of performances in a big tent. They even have a chrove tamer!"

She sighed and ran her hand down Dem's cheek again.

"I have tickets, I'd like it if you could come." She said, voice soft.

The dark man chuckled a little at that comment. Chrove tamer? That sounded fairly interesting. As Fion reached up to stroke his cheek, Demkaih couldn't help but wonder, how much of this would he miss? Just how long would she be tied up? And where was she going?



...Why did she have to see him less? Couldn't she just..just..

"What? Sorry, yes. Yes I would love to come, my lovely poppy. More than I wish to see The Great Ocean." He grabbed her hands and squeezed them. Damn it all. He was going to stick the duck out tonight, he needed to talk to the resistance.

"Just tell me when and where and I will be there."

Fion squeezed back, hurting much less now. She could do this, they could do this.

"Just past the bridge into town. The evening of the 30th." She said, looking less worn. "I could meet you by the bridge and show you the way."

Demkaih nodded, smiling and tucking her hair back.

"I would be honored." He said softly, wanting to burn her image in his head.