'''Name:''' Marcus Liu
'''Age:''' 36
'''Date Of Birth:''' Dentis 22, 2676
'''Race:''' human
'''Place of Origin:''' Dorhaven, Anaxas
'''Occupation:''' Vigilante

!!!Background

Born in Dorhaven, Marcus grew up within a shared society of wicks and humans. His racist parents were not fond of him mingling with wicks. Due to his rebellious nature, Marcus’s friends happened to be more wick than human. Often he would sneak away from his parents to play with his wick friends. Taxation caused his family to choose thievery over an honest job. Marcus’s family never supported him, and his only support was with Nalini, who kept him from succumbing to a life of crime himself. The witch, Nalini, and Marcus decided to run away together.

As Marcus’s best friend and love interest, Nalini was his major moral support that prevented him from turning to a life of crime in their childhood. They worked together in the market; he acted as a gullible customer while she would tell his fortune, which in a couple of steps away from the booth would come true. Of course, it was a pre-planned act to get the attention of other potential customers, who would usually flock to Nalini for their fortune to be told. They considered this a noble act, and would say they were putting on a show, rather than scamming money out of people.

Most of Marcus’s wick friends, whom he kept in contact with through monthly visits to his hometown, had joined and began traveling with Yellow Eye, a wick tribe. After that, he ceased his visits to Dorhaven to spend more time with Nalini. He still wrote letters to these friends, giving them to Yellow Eye members that he stumbled upon, addressed with the name of the friend he is sending to, and keeping connections within the tribe.

Eventually, Nalini and Marcus settled down in Surwood, where Nalini actually proposed to Marcus through one of her fortunes. One of two moments that will always linger in Marcus’s head. The other being, two years after marriage, the birth of their twin daughters killed Nalini, bringing Marcus into a dark, negative sense of mind. The first daughter was named Ylalie after Nalini’s mother; the second, Adelaide, after his mother. Marcus tried the better half of two years to take care of the children, but without a proper job to support them, he had no choice but to give them to an old friend within the Yellow Eye. After giving the children to Biora Jegan, he immediately regretted it, spending countless nights asking him to return his children. It was too late, however, as Alaina Bellamont adopted one of the children from Biora. Marcus didn‘t want one of the children back and not the other. So he sailed into the horizon in search of a new life, thinking without his children and wife, that his old one was dead. Marcus left his house with all belongings intact at his home in Surwood, not caring to notify anyone of his disappearance.

The Muluku islands were Marcus’s new home for seven years, before joining pirates to wander the endless ocean. Marcus had surrounded himself in human culture and alcohol, to try to forget the life he once had. However, no matter how much he tried to change, he remained sympathetic toward any wick and children of all races. He hated himself for leaving his friends, his home and his daughters, redeeming himself by helping out the youth of the world. The pirates had gotten rather annoyed at this, however, and he could tell that they were growing aggravated. Marcus told them that the pirate life is not one he is ready for. They dropped him off at Old Rose Harbor in Anaxas, as he snuck away one of the upper pirate’s pistols while packing his bags. This is where he begins to pursue the life of a vigilante, sticking up for the underdogs of society. However, Marcus still needs a real job.

!!!Personality

Before Nalini’s death, Marcus had been a rather jolly and flamboyant spirit. Although brutally honest to a majority of the people that he meets, he often flatters his friends over even the smallest accomplishments. Marcus used to be a very exaggerating person, and easy to get along with. He made hardly any enemies, and the few he had he knew for a short period of time. Unless he found a reason to distrust someone, Marcus would believe everything he was told. This made him easy to manipulate by other people. Once a trust was broken, Marcus questioned the motives of said person before doing anything for them.

After the death, Marcus became an echo of his former self, hardly letting out his inner voices. When Marcus crossed Mahogany Bay to Mugroba, Marcus cut off communications with his old friends in hopes of being forgotten, he strongly wanted to forget the death of Nalini. This is where he took up the habit of alcoholism.

No matter what he had done, Marcus couldn’t help but beat him self up over abandoning his daughters. Due to this, Marcus had become protective over children. He finds himself unable to attack any wick as well, clinging to his past no matter how hard he tried to throw it away.

After turning to piracy, Marcus nearly revamped his entire personality; he held his first sword, stole his first treasure, and killed his first man. The other pirates loathed him, highly suspicious of him as he kept to himself and refused to kill any wick. After resigning from piracy, Marcus told himself he would try his best to turn back to his old self, finding his new person a mixture of all his older selves. He now refuses to drink, trying to recover from alcohol that he believed is one aspect that changed his life.


!!!Physical Description

The one event that changed Marcus’s life altered every aspect. He no longer keeps closely shaven, only cutting off the hairs that grow on his chin with a knife, not taking the time to look closely. This leaves his facial hair usually two centimeters long. His short curly hair is a greasy-black from a mixture of the lack of washing and its natural color. The natural dark tone of his skin is covered by dirt only cleaned from the splash of water daily. Scurvy claimed only a handful of teeth he had, surrounded by lips that always seem bruised or dry. The nose on his face is hooked and only slightly larger than an average man’s nose. His cheekbones show nearly as strong as his sturdy jaw. Marcus’s entire figure comes out to one average of a man of the times; scrawny, yet built, with broad shoulders that he often leaves slumped down.

He often wears the same attire for an entire week before washing and repairing. A pale green sportcoat with the arms ripped up to the shoulders surrounds bandages that wrap around a loose tanning white peasant’s shirt. Upon the proximal end of the arm, Marcus wears two belts loose enough not to cut blood flow, but tight enough to constrict the shirt sleeves from puffing up. The arm belts each wear two small leather pouches, each holding three spare bullets and some gunpowder. On his fists, Marcus often has bandages wrapped, clinging around the cuffs of the peasant’s garb. His waist also holds a belt that holds up his trousers, that are terribly beat up and patched together with the sleeves of his sportcoat that he had ripped off, mixing the color of the pants’ khaki with the jacket’s green. Two other belts lock themselves around his left leg, with the same purpose as the four on both arms to the strictest sense. The cuffs of the trousers tuck into fancy boots, grandfathered from his pirate days, as other articles of his clothing are. To the right of his waist is his cutlass sheathed in its scabbard. In a hidden pocket of his sportcoat, also on the right side, holds a flintlock pistol. Both weapons an echo of Marcus’s pirate life.


!!!Inventory

*Flintlock Pistol
*Pirate Cutlass
*Pocket Book
*Spare Bandages
*36 spare bullets


!!!Career Skills

Actor
*Persuasion
*Disguise
*Stage Effects

Pirate
*Sword Proficiency
*Gun Proficiency


!!!Goals

*one day reunite with daughters
*make the world a better place for children
*get a job and earn some money
*make a place to stay (either renting a home or buying one)
*reestablish his friendship with old friends
*talk to his parents, if still alive




art by Chris Wilson

Hey Marcus Good to see an older character! This sheet is looking good, it just needs a few edits. Firstly, another look for grammar and spelling would really help. You have a few sentence fragments, run-ons and spelling errors. A few things are capitalized that don't need to be.

These are my other notes.

1. Dorhaven doesn't have much of a 'mixed culture'. Humans there are used to wicks coming and going, and are generally very accepting of them. At the same time, the Yellow Eye in Dorhaven are about as un-wickish as you can get. The culture is shared.

2. How did the government oppress him directly? Most of the oppression going on is insidious and doesn't extend to small towns like Dorhaven beyond a certain amount of taxation. There also isn't a whole lot of crime there, apart from pickpockets who prey on the galdori tourists.

3. I like the bit about the fortune-telling scam! very clever. But you might want to consider changing the name "Illilli" to something...a little easier to spell? It's fine if you want to keep it, but it's difficult to read.

About her death - death during childbirth is pretty common, so I think you might need one more detail about why it traumatized him so much; why was Illili so important to him? What did she represent to him? You mention she kept him from crime; perhaps if his family was very poor and he had other family members that were involved in crime, that would seem more like a fate he was avoiding by being with the witch.

4. To be honest, he will seem like a terrible person if he gave away one infant because it looked too much like his dead wife, and kept the other one. That's irresponsible, cruel and selfish. If that's the kind of person he is, fine, but I get the feeling you didn't intend for your character to be a monster. I think it would be far better if he decided he wasn't fit to be a parent and abandoned them both at the same time; still a morally shaky thing to do, but the act of a desperate and unstable guy, not a man who would condemn a daughter to an uncertain future because of her appearance alone. It would also be good to mention if this hurt him emotionally or if it was a difficult decision to make.

5. I think you might be reading a little too much into the idea that humanity is plagued by crime. You mention this several times like it's the only attribute of the race, but there's no predisposition to crime among humans. Normal, decent human beings are the majority, but many do turn to crime due to their circumstances - poverty, lack of education and being victims of crimes themselves. Human culture is far more complex than simply "crime". (Also, "circum" should be "succumb")

6. "Old Rose Port" should be "Old Rose Harbor"; Old Rose Port is actually an alcoholic beverage

7. "where he chose to pursue the life of a mercenary." <- If he's trying to leave behind a life of crime, why would he choose to pursue another criminal career? It's still illegal to kill people...

8. Personality section - "Although brutally honest, he often flattered people over even the smallest accomplishments." This sentence is kind of a contradiction; either he was a flatterer or he was brutally honest, you can't be both! Good mention of the emotional trauma of leaving his daughters behind, but I would make sure to include that in the backstory first. "Pirate" and "alcohol" don't need to be capitalized.

9. You need to explain where he got the pistol; they're still quite rare and expensive. If he's a low-level pirate he probably wouldn't have one.

10. Your goals are good but a little too long-term. Some short-term goals would be helpful. "eliminate people who wrong others" is a bit broad, too; working as a mercenary, he's going to be wronging others more often than not!

Please post again once you edit so we can re-read your sheet Thanks!

woops, sorry, dude. i told you adelle stayed with him for a while, her sheet doesnt say that he just left the two with two different people.

sooo yeah he said that marcus kept adelaide because i told him he did by accident sorry sorry, good luck with the editing

1. Sorry, I didnt know the nature of the town some 30 years ago, I figured things would have been different then. The only things I could find in the wiki is that there are both human and wick there, and that only in recent years that Yellow Eye had made base there. What if I had it that Marcus's parents did not like him playing in with the wick children?

2. Not directly, but I guess the taxation and his family being poor? I could incorporate something like that when I rewrite it, huh?

3. I liked the name Illilli because it looked sorta like a bar code, and I wanted something similar to one of the child's names. And I'm taking your note on making her more important to him.

4. desperate and unstable is how i was attempting to make him out to be, and before Aye's player told me about adelle staying with the father for a certain amount of time, I was going to have him give away both children at the same time. (Thanks aye, xD)

5. Ah, thats the gist that I picked up reading the Wiki, I'm sorry <.<;;;;

6. noted xD

7. eer, more or less choosing a career where he has more of a say so in who he kills I guess? ;; I'll think it through in the rewrite

8. I like being a paradox :c I'll fix it boss, dont worry. and will add the trauma to the backstory as well ;

9. i'd figure pirates would share pistols with the entire crew so they could be more efficient in their raids?

10. I will be revising that, I finished the sheet at about midnight the other day, and didnt exactly think it through ;;;;; sorry


I'm going to go ahead and rewrite everything, and have my English teacher help me on my fragment/run-on sentence part, and maybe some other problems I'll miss. then all I do is repost it here, and let you guys know right?

Ok, I think I fixed everything. I have not had the opportunity to get my english teacher to review this yet, do to thanksgiving week off, but I think I have fixed every other problem ;

I'd hate to double post, but its ten minutes before I have to get to school, and I had an idea for Marcus. Could I make him unemployed instead of a merc, so i could have him searching for a job, since he just quit his life as a pirate? I was just thinking of a couple of ideas I could do for him.

Hello again!

1. We've also been discussing career ideas for Marcus, actually, so it's great you asked that! Because of his personality, it seems as though a mercenary job would just be unrealistic. As much as it feels as though you want Marcus to appear to be an upstanding member of society, you seem to also want him to be involved in questionable activities. We all agree it'd be best for you to admit that Marcus is a pretty okay guy who's occasionally ended up on the wrong side of things but who is okay with that. There's no need for regret. However, a mercenary beats people up for money, which is not exactly an activity that lends itself to having morals. It's hard to have a soft spot for children when Marcus may have been hired to knock around someone's folks right in front of their eyes.

It'd be more in line with his character to at least have some kind of struggling soft spot for them, but we all think Marcus would perhaps make a better vigilante instead of a mercenary. If you want to push the likable aspects of his character, then it'd be better if he stuck up for the underdogs instead of seeking payment to bring them further down ... you know? Internal struggles make for better RP, and there's no need to "solve" all of Marcus' issues before you start playing.

2. We'd really, really love it if you considered an entirely different name for Illili. It's both difficult to spell an look at, and, ultimately, may not be a very realistic name for an Anaxi witch.

3. If you'd like a hand with spelling/grammar, don't hesitate to ask a mod.

Awee, goodbye barcode name :c
Would Nalini work better? I'm looking at Naming Conventions, and its making things harder for me to think lol. |D

And i forgot to get my english teacher to look over my paper, because I mentioned that during the week off. If she's here today, I'll be sure to bug her <.<

Editing everything now gang!

Oh, yes, Nalini is much better!

I believe I got everything. Did I do good?

sorry if I'm a tad bit impatient, but what may I do next to get Marcus ready for the game?

Thanks for being patient.

There's a few more things to clear up and then you're approved. First, we find it interesting that Marcus doesn't consider the swindling and fortune-scam he did with Nalini a crime, and yet later in the sheet after Nalini's death you write that he "succumbs to crime." Tricking customers was already ... questionable behavior.

You don't need to capitalize vigilante, but we do suggest you re-read your backstory and consider your character's motivations and personality. What is crime for Marcus? Why is he so easily swayed morally? There's still a bit of conflict in his personality that you either need to justify or edit out, whichever works best for your character.

Also, make sure Nalini is spelled correctly throughout your sheet.

If you can clear that up for us, you're ready for approval!

Alright, I'm at school, and finished reading through it and editting the sheet. I found some other mistakes I made in grammer, and added abit more to the story. I hope thats enough to finish up for now. Let me know if I did anything wrong. Can't wait for Marcus to be playable!

Thanks for making those changes. Sorry for the keeping you waiting—you're approved!

Wooh! Best christmas present ever! I should work on an entry thread now, huh?