'''Name:''' Vinter Alphonse Cord
'''Age:''' 19
'''Race:''' galdori
'''Place of Origin:''' Vienda, Anaxas

!!!Backstory

Vinter is a descendant of a powerful political figure, Conrad Otto Byzmark, and was born to a lesser known branch of his line, the Cord Family. This particular branch itself for over many generations tried to live up to the name that they have inherited. This has impressed upon them a sense of admiration for traditional galdori values and perspective on the world around them. This would include view of the world from their own perceived center of it, Vienda.

This was where Vinter himself was born on an arid summer afternoon to Alonzo and Regina Cord. The family he found himself in was composed of a long line of journalists and minor politicians. It seems that they have yet to fully inherit Conrad's legacy of political prowess, yet it has never stopped them from trying through what noble means they could muster. It would be from this determination of theirs that they have earned one of Conrad's trademarks--a Cord is a loud Cord. No Cord has ever failed to voice his or her opinions whether they were warranted or not, asked for or not. For this at least they are known, for it has placed the family in perilous situations before. Some were almost embarrassing in nature--situations that impressed upon Vinter's younger years the resolution not to follow suit. It was fortunate for them that Vinter's Mother, Regina, was born of a more tactful lot. She has saved their family's reputation countless times before, and continues to keep a tight watch over her husband's heritage for gadflying.

In truth, Regina May Alcott was the richer half of their marriage. Her family owns a large textile business and supplies much of the tailoring in muffey with their products. Regina, being the eldest of the new generation, was prepared in youth to take over its ownership and if possible expand the business. It is from her that a practical and grounded look on life was learned by Vinter, along with a natural appreciation for the arts. Regina was a well versed judge of good literature, a skill she has used to patronize obscure and young writers. It was her that taught Vinter the love of writing and reading.

Alonzo on the other hand was the one that cemented it. The man was his father's son. He loved antiques, history, and took over the management of his father's publishing house along with his brothers, Uncle Austen. Together they published and distributed mostly non fiction literature at Cord & Cord Brothers in Vienda, dutifully accepting commissions from the government whenever a policy needed dissemination. On the side, Alonzo was a collector of historical manuscripts and a proprietor of his own antique dealership. Vinter never did share his fascination for ancient relics, but did imbibe his interest in history and developed an enthusiasm for philosophy from that.

In politics, however, Vinter had lost all faith in. He saw it as something ineffective, almost redundant, in nature. He found it often weak in the face of danger, and danger he did see. His older brother, Hermann, was an aspiring politician who hoped to start his career through journalism and the development of his own reputation and contacts with those already in power. It seems that he was given that chance to break through ahead of his rivals by doing a piece on the resistance who were steadily gaining ground. No one really knew who did it, but Hermann was soon found dead after he had left their ancestral manor in Vienda, cryptically leaving them a message that he might not make it back. Vinter thought it a joke, and Hermann did pass it off as won, an arrogant air to his bravado.

In Vinter's eyes, it didn't matter who killed his brother. What he knew for sure was that those in power were completely impotent in stopping it. no one knew anything at all, no one expected it. There was no call for ransom, no negotiation. The Seventen were as surprised as anyone by it. What struck Vinter's resentment wasn't that Hermann wasn't honored as a martyr for galdori nobility. It was more that, a few months after the tears had been shed, the funeral rituals were ceremoniously completed, life in Vienda went on as usual. It was as if nothing had happened at all.

This was his ultimate realization. None of Anaxas was worth dying for.

!!!Personality

Vinter is a serene individual, yet stern in expression and harsh in judgment. He tends to look more towards himself and always regards things in relation to himself. He does not have much use for things that are of no use to him. This has impeded his ability to develop and maintain friendships. It, however, has given him an almost monolithic determination towards his personal direction and a penchant for reflection. He finds it quite refreshing and relaxing to look deep inside himself when an opportunity to do so presents itself.

!!!Physical Description

Vinter sees no true point in having to mold one's self according to the preferences of others. Instead, he chooses to take the conventions and values he was taught and steer it towards his own liking of it. For one, he was burn with fiery red hair, of just the right thickness and consistency that was easy to fix according to his taste. He would often keep his locks short and slick them back over his head, trim his side burns to a prickly length, keep them straight towards the edge of his maw, and keep a thick goatee well groomed beneath his full lips.

One aspect of his face which he does not care of is his eyes. They are yellow and tended to clash with his choice of wardrobe. This he has tried to remedy with spectacles, of a prescribed thickness meant to assist his astigmatism, the legacy of his mother.

The last thing he does have to resent his father for though is his face and height. The Cord line isn't among the more attractive members of the galdori population. This he inherited, from his height of five feet and seven inches which gained him much teasing from his fellow students, to his chiseled chin and sunken eyes. His only redeeming feature are his high cheekbones, yet this has only served to make him look older than he really is by at least a couple of years.

!!!Inventory

Weapons:
*Spells

Stuff:
*A Penmanship Kit
*A Breast Pocket Notebook, with red leather jacket and single page binding for easy tearing. Unruled.
*A Pocket Watch, with an attached compass
*A Seerstone, with decorative carvings

!!!Career

Student
*Level 1 Spells
*Galdori Knowledge
*Monite
*Specialization in Quantitative Magic Magic
*Self Study Technical Writing

!!!Goals

His areas of interest at this moment include literature, history, philosophy, engineering, steam technologies, static magic, defensive magic, and his current goal is to try get some of his works published just so he could read them in their hard bound form.

Welcome to Thorns!

Thanks for submitting your character sheet! The mods will now discuss and we'll get back to you shortly.

Hi, Vinter! Welcome, welcome! We're glad you've decided to join our ranks, so let's make this quick, so you can get going!

1. Please go through and proofread again for grammar. Reading aloud can really help you pick up unnecessary words or mistakes. Keep in mind that races are not capitalized (galdori, not Galdori) and make sure that when you're referring to the country you use Anaxas and when referring to nationality you use Anaxi. The mona are in everything; monite is what is spoken to the mona.

2. While you're doing that, you might want to compress this a little bit. While the family history is good to know, and it's apparent that you put a lot of thought into it, it doesn't really add much to his sheet as far as explaining why he is who he is. It's not necessary to remove it, per se, but what is there should be relevant to this specific character development. See if you can explain how it influenced him.

3. Be careful with his worldviews. Not all galdori are, "jaded, cynical, and laconic," and these outlooks certainly aren't "the prized attitudes of a student," so much as dedication, ambition, and studiousness are. The galdori in general are actually quite enthralled with knowledge and learning. Being laconic and cynical would be rather at odds with their passion for knowledge. It would be okay if that is his personal view, but there needs to be a reason for it, and you should be careful of your wording in expressing that these things are his views and not the general worldview.

Also, your line that he "thinks too much for his own good," is at odds with the world setting, as that implies that the galdori are not urged to think. They are, very much so; knowledge and discourse and inquisitiveness are practically in their DNA. That they have reached conclusions that most Earthlings would find distasteful can't be explained away as a simple willful ignorance. The support of slavery and human obedience isn't the result of not thinking.

Be aware of your character's ideas, thoughts, flaws, etc. in terms of the general world view, and reflect it in how you write him. Like our world, he can view people as sheep if he has a reason, but be aware that not all people are sheep. Allow for recognition of individual differences.

Also, not all galdori families are of equal reputation or renown. If every family is ambitious and attempting to rise in social status, that would mean that not all of them are equal. Saying that "Like any other Galdori Family, the Cord name is a powerful one" does not make sense, as it makes all families equal in status.

4. On a related note, there seems to be a sudden change at sixteen that is very unusual, and not quite true-to-world, and doesn't quite make sense. His brothers' critique stirred that much uncertainty in his worldview (after all, in the paragraph before he had become rather cynical, himself)? Think more deeply on what could have created that sudden desire to "[leave] his books and [see] the world without them, beyond them."

You mentioned in his personality section that he got in trouble often, but this isn't reflected in his back story. Perhaps this could have been a contributing factor for his desire and his change in worldview?

5. Sixteen-year-olds don't often become world travelers (that is what it sounds like he's doing) in our world, and it was even more rare in the Victorian era. Perhaps one could expect to do such a thing after graduation and before starting in the workforce, but it would be very unusual for someone to do it in the middle of their sixth year.

People don't change overnight, and his sudden revelations don't read quite true, as well as being things that wouldn't strike him as sudden. These revelations are a complete overhaul of everything he had known since birth. The racism is not something he could instantaneously break away from. I'd recommend you look at the How To Be Racist article in the wiki.

-The way passives are treated is generally known and regarded as normal by the galdori since they see passives as children who could hurt themselves. The general galdori populace doesn't view it as slavery, but more like they're putting them in a constructive environment where they can contribute to society but still be kept under a watchful eye.

-"He finally saw the violence that preyed on the homes of both human and galdor." This statement doesn't quite make sense. The cities and countryside aren't ravaged with violence. At least not yet.

-He would have known where "wicks came from" long ago. It would have been ingrained in him that wicks were the bastard children of the superior magical race.

6. Be careful with what he does and doesn't learn. The Seventen and other galdori officials are only just learning about the resistance. The general galdori public is highly unaware of their presence. It's not impossible for him to know, just unlikely. What circumstances would he have learned this?

7. Keep genetics in mind when it comes to his appearance, as well as how others will view him. Being 5'7" would make him rather tall for a galdor, but isn't outside the bounds of realism. Just be aware that the average galdor is 5'5". And while being tan looks healthy in our world, to the galdori it would remind them of wicks and humans-- and they would treat him accordingly. In the Victorian era as well as in galdori society, paleness was the appreciated form of beauty/handsomeness, and being tan meant that you were poor, common, etc.

Also, from a genetic standpoint, being that pale would lead to extreme freckling rather than an even tan.

While being athletic isn't a sin, it's not something the galdori would generally pick up unless they intended to be Seventen (and even then, it's not as important as magical prowess). What would make him start exercising and adopt this "holistic" view?

Even though you said he hates his eye color, you never actually told us what it was?

8. It's great that he's an academic, but once again, be careful of how much he knows. One doesn't get a degree in philosophy in a day, much less does one become Socrates. Reading can only teach you so much, and his qualifications under his career are a little too extensive for a 19 year old student.

We would like you to consider either paring it down and prioritizing it to make it more relevant to his age (don't worry-- he can work toward those qualifications, and they'd make great goals), or making him older. What you have here is rather more relevant to someone in their thirties or older-- it's almost like "post-graduate" work than "undergraduate," to put it in our terms.

9. Finally (last thing!), be careful of the technology you've mentioned. Moleskine is a brand of notebook, saying "a small notebook" would make more sense. And the fact that he carries "pens" is slightly off-- a set of nibbed pens and ink would be more appropriate. The lip piercing is extremely un-galdori. Facial piercings are a very wick thing, and there aren't piercing and tattoo parlors on street corners of Vitan cities. And as cool as it sounds, photochromic lenses haven't been invented in this time and place yet.


I know it looks like a lot, but we have every confidence in your abilities! We can't wait to see your improved sheet!

Please bump the thread when you've finished, and feel free to pm or check in with the mods on chat if you have any questions!

Damn, I assumed to much it seems. Rest assured I will work on this as soon as possible. I only have a few questions to ask just to make sure.

Isn't it that the Brunnhold Youth Culture consider a jaded, cynical, and laconic humor a trait of distinction among themselves?

Also, aren't all galdori pushed by the administration to reach for political power?

And, how can I properly marry racism with a progressive world view? What kind of racism would I then have to characterize, one that is passive or active?

Biologically also, what would be the image of a healthy galdor, as in the factual image, not the cultural associations of galdor relative to physical characteristics?

And also, for the things I listed under his career, I assumed that they were to be at a basic or at least layman's level. Would I have to specify his level of understanding? I will place philosophy there, but i assumed that this would be taken as being at a beginner's level of learning. Is philosophy, even at its most basic, a difficult subject to learn?

And also, at 19, what is the level of training that one could expect from a student?

Thank you for your concerns about our requested edits. Much of what you're asking can be found on the wiki and is also represented on our forum. Hopefully we can help answer your questions so you can work towards getting your character approved:

1. If you read the Brunnhold forum, you notice that the "Brunnhold Youth Culture" is not entirely jaded, cynical, and laconic. The current in-game culture in Brunnhold reflects the competitive nature of the school in some ways, and is often based around dueling as an example of this. It contains some jaded characters who have been around since the beginning of the game, but do not represent the entirety of the student body. Their behavior is the result of their own negative experiences and must be contrasted with other students who have a much brighter world view. They highlight a trope, not the galdori worldview at large. There are 16,000 students. We have less than 10 active player students of different ages and backgrounds.

The current active students aren't the majority view. They do make rebellion look cool but we don't want the current trend to become a cliche.

2. Galdori already have political power. Those who are interested continue to strive for more and the rest would most likely avoid change to the status quo. That was never in question. What is important is to realize that not all galdori want to be politicians. There are many other realms of interest.

3. Racism is the progressive world view, according to galdori. you can refer to this by reading wiki on How to be a Racist. What you do with our character to justify your views is your choice, but you must understand what the majority view is (what we, in earth terms, would call racist) and how that affects your character in his life.

Please re-read the link How to Be a Racist and consider for yourself how best your character would reflect these views.

It is highly suggested you read this article. The galdori worldview is based around their intellect and their genetically-bound magical abilities. Compared to other races, their natural gifts and privileged position in society do make them superior in a number of ways: they live longer, can perform feats no human or wick could, and they are in a position to enjoy academics and arts.

You've probably even seen it, in some form. People will compete over whether or not they went to a private school or a "good" university. This racism is inherent, like any class-based society. Those involved are comfortable with the system they have because it is all they know and up until now, it's worked for them. Who wants to give up their position at the top for illiterate (that is, under-educated), dirty humans?

If you wish to be counter-culture, which we do not disallow but do discourage because we already have a large number of galdori with a non-standard view, your character sheet must detail thoroughly and with sound reasoning how and why your character came to his conclusions. Simply becoming "enlightened" is not a reason, because galdori already consider themselves enlightened.

4. The image of a healthy galdor is covered in the wiki. What we presented to you in terms of edits (that a tan is not favorable because it represents the lower classes or a working race as well as the genetic propensity of galdori to be a shorter, smaller-framed race) is the factual image. If you would like to view more about genetic facts, there is an entire wiki article on Genetics and Appearances.

Galdori have social expectations on appearance depending on their country of origin. In Anaxas, these favorable characteristics include pale skin, slanted eyes, and dark or red hair.

5. Try to consider your character less in terms of things you would like him to know and more in terms of who he is and what his interests are. Then you can whittle down his areas of interest to some vaguely defined areas and some that are more fleshed out.

If you would like your character to have a basic or layman's understanding of subjects, make sure to list them that way. A student's schedule is very intense, focused on magical instruction and theory along with their single (yes, single) field of focus (one of the disciplines listed here in the Spell Directory).

6. At 19, a galdori is months away from graduating. Vinter is about ready to go out into the world but he's not there yet. He would have a basic grounding in magic and a more specialised knowledge in his area. He'd have a major and some areas of minor knowledge. Think of it as a university degree. He finished highschool and now he has some specialisation and other areas of minor knowledge.

Their education at graduation is considered sufficient to find a career; meaning that they have studied enough to have an entry-level understanding of their desired future employment. Many specialized careers require internships and/or training periods after graduating, but this is nothing that we don't see in today's time, either.

Bumped because I didn't realize the wiki links weren't working properly. Fixed!

Bump edit!

Thanks for the edits and your patience. We'll get back to you shortly!